I have a long-held and very deep hatred for the genre of music known as hip hop. There are many reasons, several of which will be mentioned here, but before i do i shall give you something to chew on. Like a wordy bone for you to weep solemnly upon.
Chapter one: concerning "Haters".
Urban Dictionary has provided two delicious definitions of the word "hater". I will vomit them into your waiting mouths like worms to chicks.
1. Jelious ass people who can't stand to see someone doing better then them or see that someone has something goin for them and they dont!!!!! thats when they start to hate on u!!!
"I CANT STAND A HATER"
" look at them haters over there hatin cuz we rockin the new shit and they not"
Note that this peasant has spelt the word "jealous" incorrectly. The subtle use of exclaimation marks only compounds this cretinous bilgetorrent.
2. A term used by others, usually being suburban "gangsters", whose lives are absolutely and undeniably defined by what others think. These people "rumble" often and think of themselves as original and/or indestructable. People that use the term "haters" are the lowest stage of the evolutionary scale. They bleed the fastest and have thought processes similar to that of a mentally underdeveloped cat.
That's not one of my definitions, but if i was to gravitate towards one then it would be the second. Personally, I'm somewhere else on this. It's not the word, nor the people who use the word, but the mentality behind it.
Do you like bacon? Hell yeah you like bacon. It's the best goddamn food on the planet. Unless you are a vegetarian. This may mean you have your beliefs and are well entitled to them. You don't eat animals? Fair enough. I was the same for a long time. I didn't dislike anyone for eating meat, it was a personal choice.
So, we have established that some people don't like bacon. Now in terms of "hating". If you were a vegetarian you would be deemed to be "Hatin' on bacon? Why you hatin' on bacon?!?!?".
You may well give reasons but the fact remains. It's yes or no, black or white and no middle ground. In the grand scheme of Hatology there is no room for not feeling like eating meat or maybe preferring some cereal. No, your breakfast must be bacon or you will be taken from this ghetto and shot for hatin'.
This is ridiculous, and a major symptom of why hip hop culture is a vile cancer which must be stopped.
Chapter 2. Hip hop is pointless.
Rap music began as an offshoot of disco in the late 70's. Disco was abhorrent. Let's not dispute that. What happened was that the Sugar hill gang made quite a catchy song in which they expressed delight at their rap japery, all was well. Then other people started doing it. Now i don't know exactly what they were thinking, but eventually they began to "beatbox". Now, i'm not a scientist but i reckon if you added up all the time people spend becoming an awesome beatboxer, divided it in half and calculated such things. Then it would be roughly enough time to get a fucking job, buy a drumkit and hang out with real musicians long enough to actually make music.
Sadly, my words go unheeded. Beatboxing continues unabated. On top of this mumblefuckery, morons the world over started to rhyme words over the top of these stuttercunts on streetcorners across hell. Thus, modern hip hop as we know it was born. They graduated to turntables so they could steal music from musicians. Talk over it, and display it to the world like a toddler who has produced their first turd in a real toilet.
Bellends the world over went just apeshit for this, and soon a vernacular was born. Soon it became gangsta rap. In which people from bad backgrounds competed to see who was from the worst background. This celebration of poverty would have been a lot less offensive were it not for the shocking treatment of crime and women in this garbage. Women are called ho's and bitches, where crime is glorified. I would provide lyrics to illustrate this, but you lose IQ points every time you so much as look at this shite.
Public enemy appeared just before this, and proceeded to lie about things. Now, again, i'm not a scientist. Nor am i involved in the national gard in any way, but i seriously doubt that Flava Flav can fly a helicopter. Nor did he break Chuck D out of prison using said helicopter. Even if he did, how many violent rapists, murderers and paedophiles escaped during your destruction of the prison, Chuckles? Really? If the shawshank redemption ended with Andy letting everyone go would you still cheer him on? I fucking wouldn't. Stop being so selfish Chuck D.
Secondly, a lot of late 90's hip hop was incredibly racist. This equates to me saying i hate Mr. T because Robert Mugabe is a shit. It doesn't make sense. So i'm caucasian, i'm oppressing you am i? sorry i was too busy being 12 years old and playing contra to oppress anything. Would it make you feel better if i started using irrational logic back? Peasants. Mr. T is fucking awesome by the way, i wanted to be him when i grew up. Such a racist child i was.
This is another point, every major label at the time was run by whites and jews. David Geffen, a gay, jewish man was in charge of one of the biggest companies in the world. Did these "artists" have any problems taking his money? Did they fuck. There you go, you and your principles. What you don't realise is that it just makes the racists more racist and everyone else more reluctant to defend you. You burned a lot of bridges with this shit, rap.
After that Rap started spreading it's cancer to other genres. We had to put up with pop having some dildo rhyming over the likes of britney or mariah carey or whatever. Not that i like either of those, they're shit. Who listens to Just Dance by lady gaga for the bit where the guido starts talking through an autotune? come on, hands up! Yeah, fuck off. Nobody does because it's fucking shit. We had will smith doing his best to beige the fuck out of everything with whatever asinine, anaemic crap he produced. We had Nelly paying women to pretend to be obsessed with him, we had justin timberlake working with pea head (bloke from the neptunes, forgot his name). Cock.
Rap became like that kid in school who was borderline retarded, but the whole class had to slow down so he could keep up. We were all nice to his face, because it's not his fault he was a bit slow, but secretly we longed for him to be diagnosed and sent elsewhere. I'm looking at you, robert webster. Rap was everywhere. You couldn't turn on the tv without seeing some old woman rapping about fucking fanta, or santa rapping about wrapping. It was a joke, we made it safe. We made it boring. At least Gangsta had a bit of spice to it, it was something to provoke a reaction. Hip hop had become boring, as a lot of rappers would no doubt say behind closed doors: It became white.
Then, just when it couldn't possibly get any worse........
Rap metal. And that, motherlovers, is another blog entirely.
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