ROCKED.
MY.
TINY.
WORLD.
I still have it. And here it is. In my hands.
Along with a mobile phone one third it's size which can record an hour of HD 720 video and carry god knows how many songs. It could fit the entire library of gameboy titles on it comfortably. Would i play games on it? nope. Can't be bothered, but you bet your arse i still bust out tetris and metroid 2 on the gameboy now and again.
Anyway after the gameboy i was given an NES the christmas after. the cartridges were MASSIVE! The games were massive too! I remember one birthday getting probotector (contra) and bill and ted's bogus journey on video. What a summer that was. Constantly hammering probotector, getting just a little further every time. I didn't know about the konami code because there was no internet, and i couldnt afford expensive magazines as a 10 year old kid. So what did i do? i tried, again and again, to beat the game. one day i did. I finally beat contra. Now i'll tell you that losing my virginity and ordering my first pint in a pub were great moments for me. The first time i got to see a lady buck nekkid, the time i found that porn behind the cinema in allerton. The first time i went to a gig on my own (wellm, with a few friends, blur- 1993 on the great escape tour in manchester, but i digress) but not one of those things can compare to the majesty of seeing an 8-bit helicopter fly away from an exploding island and seeing the congratulations screen telling me that i had just tore red falcon a new one. I still play it, i still love it and every time i hear people whine that it's too hard i think the same.
Man the fuck up.
And that is pretty much the whole point of this blog. Dara O'Brien is an excellent comedian and did this really funny bit on metal gear which had me in stitches, but he also said something along the lines of "games are the only medium where if you havent got enough skill you dont get to see the whole thing, if you go to see a film they dont throw you out halfway because you can't press a sequence of buttons". I'm paraphrasing there but that's the gist of it.
Anyway i don't agree. Games are interactive entertainment but without challenge what is the point? That's like saying during the world cup finals the whole thing should be predetermined and scripted. What's the point? Tere is a level of interaction with games that should at least give you the illusion of controlling events. Whether that's managing to survive a gunfight in COD or managing to avoid tiny white missile dots in gradius. There is a point, there's something you're working toward and a sense of accomplishment in seeing an end sequence. If a game decides to just roll over and let you win then that sense of accomplishment is lost. I just got the S rank on level 5 of hard corps uprising. I did the 1st 3 lwevels without being hit. That is skill! Maybe you're impressed by that, maybe not. The thing is when i see the S rank medal and hear the voice say "A TRUE WARRIOR!" I'm punching the air and jumping up and down. Maybe thats a bit sad but it makes me very happy. I'm a gamer, its what i love doing.
Now with the release of the wii nintendow showed some visuals from Zelda, twilight princess and i was pretty much sold. My ex girlfriend loved the idea because of wii sports and that. I figured it would be a return to those glorious days spent in the jungles of god knows where twatting robots with a flamethrower.
I had a wii for 2 years. In those 2 years i bought 8 games.
I now have a PS3 and have owned that for 3 years. my trophy list has over 60 games on it. Now, is sony more catered towards my tastes? Perhaps. Does the PS3 have more choice. Certainly.
The wii was a dedicated games machine, and that is admirable. It didn't try to lure you in with bells and whistles and blurays and whatever. It just played games. Why, then, did nintendo decide to not concerntrate on it's incredibly popular franschises with the exception of mario? Where was kid icarus, where was a first party metroid title (not that the prime series was bad, far from it. one of my favourite gaming series ever). Where was starfox? I mean a starfox game with motion controls would have been immense!
The only games i really played on wii were old virtual console titles. These are titles i could easily find for nothing on the internet but due to a twisted loyalty to Nintendo i shelled out on starfox 64, super mario brothers, super contra and uper metroid etc. Every time i played them it just reminded me of what nintendo were doing wrong.
So now the wii 2 is coming out and i have a horrible feeling that it's going to be a huge let down. Another hannah montana horse trainer game that is bundled with a pink fucking console. Fuck them, you knwo what needs to be done? a dedicated games machine for "casual" gamers. The Man united fans of the gaming world. It will be a shitty box with an on and off button and voice recognition that straight up asks you what you want to play. If the pleb in front of it says "HERP A DERP I WUN PLEH MUSIC GAME" The machine opens a small tray with a plastic flute in it that the moron then proceeeds to slobber into while the fucking console blasts N*Dubz at them. No skill. just act like youre doing something. Want to beat the boss in "SUPERLOVELYFUMBLEGARDEN: FLOWERS AND SHERBERT EDITION"? Just wiggle a stick at the screen. The machine will tell the boss to just go home, no violence. oh no. Cant have that.
I want to release a fitness title that is just some random bloke screaming "GO FOR A WALK YOU FAT FUCK. IT'S SUNNY! GO ON! FUCK OFF OUT!".
Well it beats standing around with a fuckng balance board. cheaper and all.
And you know what this piece of shit casual bastard industry ruining smegma bucket will be called?
*sigh*
Yeah, thats right. An out loud sigh.
Go out and buy a fucking sigh because you just arent hardcore enough.
