In April last year I moved out of my mate's place. This was for a variety of reasons, and looking back I'm amazed it continued as long as it did. I was doing a job I hated, and in quite a pressurized atmosphere. The only things I really had were my ps3 and a habit of dating nutters. I still have the ps3.
It was a confusing time, and the blog posts from around then reflect this. It's quite schizophrenic really, in that there's a great deal of positivity mixed with no small amount of bile, misdirected or otherwise. This blog has always been that way (it's pretty much an outlet for my thoughts on things I just don't feel comfortable sharing otherwise), but nonetheless it's quite staggering to see the degree of change that has occurred in the last 12 months.
So, after moving out from my mate's I ended up living in a shared house in New Brighton. It was a lovely old building, with a massive room and a short walk to all the bars and friends houses I could have wished for. It seemed perfect! Was it fuck.
A week or so after moving in it became clear that moving there was a mistake. The people I lived with were not bad people, but were nonetheless quite difficult to Live with. The landlord was a very patient and friendly man, and instantly likeable. Unfortunately he was also an alcoholic with severe Tourettes, which led to many nights being kept awake while he barked (which was his particular tic) and stumbled about the place in a stupor. It was and is a very sad situation, and although there is plenty of humour to be found in it, I'm just not going to. Truth be told, I feel too bad for him to do so.
The other housemates were no less interesting, a man roughly my age who was an ex squaddie, and a young girl of eighteen. The squaddie went out of his way immediately to make me feel welcome there, the guy bought me an easter egg because I looked a bit down. He was friendly to a fault, and unfortunately that fault was BEING INCREDIBLY FUCKING LOUD. Every time I hear Elton John my hackles now raise, in loving memory of every night I was kept awake, and every day that I went to a 12 hour shift on three hours' sleep due to his bloody stereo. The stereo eventually exploded. Which is why I beleive in a compassionate and loving god.
The girl I referred to was nice enough, but very much an eighteen year old girl. She had fallen in with a bad crowd, and I found myself sticking up for her. I'm not going to talk about her too much, as it's quite depressing, and I haven't seen her since she moved. I will say that I hope she turns things around, as if I can see the good in someone, it's probably pretty obvious to everyone else.
There were two other people. One who I have no malice toward, and another whom I find so wretched that she is beyond humour. The bloke was a nice enough guy, but easily led. I got on with him pretty well, but he was also bloody noisy. The girl though? I'm not talking about her. I can joke about genuine annoyances but not when people have genuinely wronged me. I refuse to sink to her level.
Eventually, I snapped. In October, after spending maybe one or two nights a week at what was supposed to be my home, and through a combination of exhaustion and anger, I legged it. Took all my stuff, threw it in bin bags and got the hell out of there. I now live in Liverpool, and really I haven't been this happy for a long time. I remember baing able to actualy sleep for the first time in months, and within a week or so I was back to my old self. Now If you met me in person you probably wouldn't think I was the same person who writes most of these blog posts. I'm actually pretty friendly and, believe it or not I'm quite shy.
Sitting here now, looking out of the window with the sun going down behind me and a Pink Floyd bootleg playing in the background, the whole situation seems like it happened decades ago. I'm much, much happier now and it's due mainly to one person.
In May last year I met a girl, she was a bit younger than me, but we somehow just clicked. She had the most gorgeous blue eyes, and this big mess of blonde hair. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I fell for her instantly. To this day we can't stay away from each other. I've been in relationships before, but never with someone I have cared so much about. She had a way of taming the venom in me, the reason I tended to alienate people back then. A close friend has since remarked that she can now tell whether I'm being sarcastic, which both shocked and encouraged me. I mentioned her briefly in a previous blog post, but a hundred blogs couldn't begin to convey just how happy I am to have met her. When I wake up and she smiles at me, I know not only that I'm doing something right, but that I want to continue to do so.
It's not really the place to gush about how loved up I am, so I'll leave it at that, but she knows how much I love her, and I know that it's mutual. She's my princess, and I get up in the morning with the simple goal of making her happy.
It's been a cathartic time, has the last year, and I feel as though I have left a part of me snarling and foaming at the mouth by the roadside. I can't say I feel too bad about that, and no doubt the venom will surface again (which will mean less coherent and much funnier blog posts), but for now I actually know what it's like to be happy, and that to make others feel like that is a good thing.
As far as work goes, the future is far from bleak. I was laid off from a job with a debt management company for being too nice. I signed up in the belief that I would be chasing collection agencies on behalf of people who were being hassled and tormented by these immoral fuckers. In reality, I was placed on the team that chased payments from these people. I was given a mobile phone and a list of people to call and chase money from.
This was something I failed hard at. These people have nothing, and I know what it's like to be broke and hungry. I also know what it's like to struggle to get by with kids to feed. I can't be mean to these people, or hassle them, or be forceful in insisting that they pay back money to line the pockets of greedy people. People who look down on them. I know I joke about chavs and about "sub human" people, but in reality I come from a single parent family. I was lucky enough to be raised by a woman who would go to the ends of the earth for my brother and I. This has always stayed with me, and the thought of calling someone in that position and demanding money from them turns my stomach.
Needless to say, this attitude did not go down well with my former employer. However, the day after this I saw that a well known figure in the industry was advertising for new staff. These staff claim back money on behalf of their clients from major corporations. They also Pay extremely well, and treat their staff with respect. I attended that interview with my heart in my mouth, and I must have impressed them, because I was offered the job. Once I start there, I will be in a great state financially, and more importantly will have buckets of good karma to play with.
I have lost touch with friends in the last year, some for reasons best known to themselves, some for the sake of my sanity, and some due to it just not being possible to deal with them anymore. I'm not happy about any of that, but I know it's necessary, and I hope that they all find everything they want in life, and find it soon.
On a more positive note, I have gained friends in the last year. Be that getting back in touch with old friends, or making new ones, it's great to be around you all. I also have a niece, She's beautiful and so tiny, I can't wait to see her become a precocious toddler and then a great little kid. A great little kid with an uncle who is always going to be there for her, and is going to spoil her rotten. I can't even begin to express how happy I am for my brother and his fiance, and how happy I am to be an uncle.
I'm sorry that this blog post hasn't been the same rants you're used to, but I would say thanks for reading, and that you're all, without exception, deserving of being happy.
JESUS CHRIST WHAT HAS GOT INTO ME? I USED TO TELL JOKES ABOUT ETHIOPEANS. MY FORMER SELF WANTS TO BEAT MY ASS. TIME TO MAN THIS BITCH UP:
