Hello people.
I haven't done any posts for a while as I was too busy looking for a job after leaving that shithole I mentioned last time. Also I have found a girlfriend and she's bloody stupendous. Thinks she's a fish and says things like "fart arm orchestra". She's a kindred spirit that one.
I'm working again now and the lovely miss B is on Mass Effect 2 so it's time to unleash the hate.
Today I was browsing a torrent site because I enjoy stealing music, and saw the title of that fat cunt, Mary J Bile's album. For the uninitiated it's called "My life II: The Journey Continues". Now, I have not seen the cover to this, but I already know it will make me want to throw her in the fucking sea. I will Google it, now.....
Okay so she's mincing about in front of orange sky photoshopped to fuck. It's actually not as bad as I expected. I thought it would be black and white and have her dumb face trying to look all noble and shit. Maybe she gave up.
That's not the point! The point is this title is so fucking pretentious it makes "tales from topographic oceans" sound like fucking pet sounds! I despise the way these R n' B types try to sound all earnest. Like "Curtain Call" by Eminem, or "the miseducation of lauryn hill" by whoever wrote her songs for her. Seriously, you're making the most pointless, soulless consumer baiting tripe possible then trying to look fucking earnest!?!!?!? How the fuck do you people sleep at night?
Back when I was at school rap and R n' B was what the thick people listened to. It's only gotten worse. At least pop back in the 90's was knowingly awful. Europop in particular. Remember that "two times" song? I don't want that played at my funeral. No, I want whoever wrote that locked in my burning fucking casket. It was garbage, like Aqua, Eiffel 65 and the Cartoons. It was utter garbage but it fucking KNEW it was garbage.
Now we have the likes of Dopey from N*Dubz rapping about his dead father while That lass off x factor flies about seemingly in hell. Then a bunch of poor people hold candles and try to look sincere. That video is fucking hilarious. I mean I must have watched it about twenty times with the sound off and if you play something else (I recommend "party in my pants" by Roger Allan Wade) then it becomes something more. Something powerful. If you want to try it then just Google "N Dubz papa can you hear me" because I'm lazy and can't be arsed posting the video here.
The other thing is that dance music seems to have been co-opted by the yanks now. Back in the day I was well into grunge and that, but "higher state of consciousness" By Josh Wink and all the early prodigy tunes were fucking boss! Nowadays you go to clubs and hear that LMFAO lot waving their cocks about and messing with a cordless drill. It's stale, it's boring and it's fake music for fake people. If you aspire to be an orange, gurning cunt like on Jersey Shore then you go for it. Just stay the fuck off my planet and if you even think of setting foot in a recording studio then I will personally cut your fucking hands off. I mean, we did have some good dance stuff in between, but now people just don't seem to care. Dubstep will be obsolete in a couple of weeks (which is a shame, because it's probably the most interesting genre to go mainstream since punk) and all there is to replace it is more and more materialistic shit, or a child screaming slogans at you (what the fuck is "swagger" when it's at home, and how exactly does creating audio wallpaper featuring the blandest cunt in pop constitute anything approaching Mick Jagger?).
Which is another problem. People don't care about people, they care about things. You are completely worthless unless you wear the right clothes, have the right tan, visit the right clubs. Lady GaGa is there fitting into this mainstream by being knowingly "weird" and meanwhile anyone who doesn't care about fitting in may as well not be there. Then GaGa decides that bullying is bad and we all love the underdog again. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THINKING FOR YOURSELF? HAVE THINGS BECOME SO FUCKING BAD THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN DECIDE WHAT TO DO WITHOUT SOME MAD BIRD IN A FOIL HAT TELLING YOU THAT PERSECUTING KIDS FOR BEING GAY IS MORALLY FUCKING WRONG!?!?!?
I despair, I really do. You switch on the tv and there we are, celebrating diamonte' fuckery in Essex. This cancer has now spread to my home town. A girl is a nobody unless she has eyebrows which look like they were drawn on by a lion with down's syndrome. Girls spend hundreds a month on pinching, plucking and painting themselves to fit in when they don't have to. Even my Girlfriend, who is just bloody brilliant, still won't go out unless she's got everything just so, lest the judgement of imbeciles falls upon her.
Why can't we just get on with things, not have to dress like everyone else says and fucking get on with things? We could probably have colonies in space now if we didn't fall for ITV and Simon Cowell's big sparkly distraction.
So yeah, THINK! IT'S NOT BAD FOR YOU AND YOU MIGHT FEEL BETTER!
