I fucking hate Ed Sheeran. You may wonder who he is. Allow me to explain!
Once upon a time about a year ago, some little prick wrote a song about some slapper in london dying from ZOMG CRACK ADDICT. This song was helped by being called "The A Team". In a cynical attempt to cash in on the nostalgia-porn cravings of eighteen year olds who pretend to remember the eighties, he coupled a OMG SO DEEP AND TRAGIC, LOL story about some girl selling her scrawny arse for crack then threw in a random reference to an eighties show which has aged like a pint of milk.
It sold like trackies in Bradford.
Next thing you know I saw the little cocksnot on the Glastonbury Highlights. Now, if you read this blog (and you should, because it is staggeringly good) then you will already know my thoughts on music festivals. Especially people who think everyone wants to hear about their weekend of fun looking at some dredded white kid flinging firesticks about. Sod that. I hate it and I hate them.
Anyway, I saw the little prick on there, whining about whatever it is and rapping while casually slapping at an acoustic guitar (also known as a "shit" guitar) and suddenly the footage cut to what must have been a nineteen or so year old girl. She was wearing a Back to the Future tshirt, fairy wings and had a butterfly painted on her face. Her face which had the expression of "oh wow, this is like, so deep, he's talking about stuff we all need to like, know about". Therein lies the problem.
You're the reason I hate him so much. I can't stand YOU. His fans. You're 19 and you can afford tickets to Glastonbury. You choose to attend despite having taste in music that even James Blunt would laugh at. You take drugs and think you're going to start a revolution, you think that the whole world can be changed if we all just chill out and smoke a spliff now and again. If we all just listened to the floppety haired minstrels who tell us whats really going on on the streets then maybe JUST FUCKING MAYBE we would be able to change the world.
I'm sure the last thoughts of a dying child in Darfur would be "fuck! I hope some musicians get here soon!".
I'm leaving it at that.
