MORE SHIT I CAME UP WITH BECAUSE I AM FUCKING SMART.

Right. Ideas for television shows. I should be working but the public are cretins. They consume TOO MUCH OF MY TIME. PAID OR NAY!

So these ideas then? Without further ado!

1. Lupine Loopy Tatwinner Bonanzles! In which many people throughout the land compete to win that shire they have on the back of sunday magazines. You know the types.
"LOOK AT BABY GEORGE'S DETAILED FEET! HE COSTS MANY POUNDS IN INSTALMENTS!". That shit. Anyway, people who are interested in this compete
in many events such as:

A) Knobapple. Male contestants must stick their cock in an apple, and the female contestants much eat it without causing penile injuries.

B) Shitebike: Contestants must jump over a paddling pool full of shite. The bike they use to jump is is made of glass, and they are blindfolded. The blindfold is covered in
Ether.

C) Orphan Sneakup Whingedown: Contestants have to sneak undetected up to an orphan (dickensian, none of that modern shite) and whisper "If your parents loved you,
they would still be here" in a manner so convincing it causes the orphan to weep. This is done on a council estate in Aberdeen to add some danger to the proceedings.

At the end of this all remaining contestants must insert coins into a coinstar then wave the receipt at a tramp. The quickest wins the tat. The rest?

RAPED TO DEATH BY WOLVES.

2. Joe Pasquale's Saturday Scatdown! Extremely disturbing chat show featuring Joe Pasquale squatting over an interviewee and asking his questions. While the celeb answers
Joe's bowels begin to open, his brown star emitting a log of quality brown on the chest of this poor sod. Obviously celebrities would need to be incredibly desperate
in order to appear on this show, so we can start small. Say.. Katie Price, Frankie Cocozza and the fat bully off X factor. Music By Will I. Am and Coldplay.

3. TIMECOCK. Former pornstar Max Gashraid finds a mysterious artefact allowing him to travel through time. He uses this to change history for the better. A lot like
Quantum Leap, only with popshots. Look, I'll be honest here. I just thought the name was funny.

4. Hurnlington Hall. This is some period thing where an old english luvvie looks all noble and shit for a couple of hours. There's a war happening but you don't get to
see any cool stuff like Saving Private Ryan or anything. The blokes just come home all traumatised and then the servants have a party because, you know, they're like, people
too and stuff. Basically, Downtown Abbey is popular. This is the swill you people want? Well allow me to fill your fucking Trough. We'll even get Brenda Fricker in
to make it all authentic. Throw in extra orphans. Will that make you fucking happy? Jesus wept.

Okay that's four. That's your lot. Back to work.